Circa a few months ago, 3 or 4 maybe, I stopped taking my medication. I don’t recommend the way I did it by just abruptly stopping but I believed in my gut feeling that it was time to detox and live my natural course of life. Where medications can be positively life altering I’ve always seemed to have adverse reactions to medicine.
The last medicine I was on was called Luvox and it made me terribly sleepy. I couldn’t go the course of a day with out taking a nap. The inconvenience of the lethargy that usually hit in the middle of the day and at other incredibly inconvenient times was enough to motivate me to stop taking medications. I knew I could handle things like a job and responsibilities but because of how tired I always was I wasn’t living up to my potential and the people close to me stopped believing in my abilities.
For someone as driven (and stubborn) as I am that is such a slap in the face. It was a combination of people not remembering all that I could do and one other thing. I finally took a step back and realized how long I have been living taking medicines. I’m 18! I’m young and otherwise healthy and I’m living from one pill to the next? I don’t want to be dependent on a prescription! I don’t want something that acts as a crutch for my bad emotions and anxiety.
Upon taking a step back I realized that I was ready to stop anesthetizing my life. I felt that my highs became mediums and my lows became just neutral. Where nothing was really bringing me down, this medicine wasn’t allowing me to really be brought up either. Not allowing me to be my best, not allowing other to know me and believe in me at my best….. That’s not me. This life is about the highs and lows and even the in betweens.
Though my mind feels less… “Foggy” lets say, being off the medication isn’t easy. I now experience very high highs and occasional lows (I’m not a very depressed person by nature.) When I’m angry I’m REALLLLLY angry. There’s at least once a day that something really sets my OCD off. It might be a comment or talk of planning something that stresses me out. It could be someone just standing in the way of my OCD rituals and routines. It could be the smallest of infractions that I know really shouldn’t ruffle me but it does my OCD and there for rials me up.
I know when I get this upset I am miserable to be around. Seriously! I don’t even want to be with myself, but one thing that really helps diffuse the anger is working out. Part of what medication does is chemically even out the lack of serotonin in my brain and with exercise and working out it naturally stimulates my brain to boost serotonin.
OCD isn’t me but it’s a big part of my life. Medication or not I’m going to have to get up the courage one day to face it again. To sum things up I am living with obsessive compulsive disorder Rx free! I’m doing it! Doing it one small experience at a time…. But doing it. I feel a sense of freedom knowing I’m no longer altered by an unnatural substance and this works for me right now.
Note: This is reflective of me and my personal experiences only. This is not a recommendation to stop or quit taking any form of medication without consulting a doctor. Me quitting cold turkey probably wasn’t the safest or best way of expediting my goal. (Do what I say, not what I do)
OCD isn't me 