Ever just have one of those days where ya’ feel like this?

“The thing about mental illnesses is people just expect you to deal with it and shut up.” -Unknown

Brain Building: A Mental Workout

The past few days I’ve gotten in a good position to write these blog posts and my mind just goes blank. (I think it’s gone on a mini-vacation these past few days) Ill get a brain surge of ideas right before I fall asleep at night and wake up the next morning floundering for the genius idea I had to share that I just knew would help somebody out! I’m too wound up in a list of to-do’s in my life outside of the Internet and with my brain running on “E” my levels of creativity seems to be plummeting as well.

Which brings me to the description for the image I’ve shared above. That’s my brain. Well…. An organized, categorized version of it! (My OCD just loves this super arranged brain and wonders why it can’t be like this in real life)

I participated in a brain training program called Neurocore where you literally learn to train parts of your brain. The graph above is a diagnostics test they preformed on me showing my normal brain levels.

(If you look closely, interestingly enough the levels in my brain that truly stand above the rest are my anxiety and creativity levels. Formerly they had never seen a creativity level so highly graphed before but those two levels specifically are key indicators of my OCD displayed. Of course anxiety and stress levels are going to register higher for someone with OCD but a spike in creativity levels is also commonly found in people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

A study was once conducted where a group of people sat around a single light bulb in a circle. They were all connected to that light bulb through special wiring to their brains. The only task they had to perform was managing to turn the bulb on and off strictly with their mind and then they were free to go. Sounds crazy right?! I promise it is possible!

After so many hours the group finally got the hang of it. Without any kind of tips or techniques their minds figured out how to operate as the generator and the switch for this light bulb.

And that’s what I learned to do. The Neurocore program works similarly although they use movies as the stimulant rather than a light bulb. It’s truly mind boggling how your mind knows to operate in such a way. We don’t realize how much power we truly can harness in our minds.

Neurocore training is commonly used by business corporations to try and sharpen and hone skills of their working professionals. Similarly, pro athletes use the Neurocore system to exercise their minds as well as their bodies. It also has been advertised as a healthy sleep aid and betterment of general mental health, especially in elders.

To learn more about what I did and to see what Neurocore can do for you visit their website: http://www.neurocore.com to see if they have a location near you!

Happy brain training!

Back Talk & Sass

OCD is just a brain hiccup- it comes and it goes. This worry is my Obsessions overwhelming me but I’m stronger than it. I can do this. I can turn down the volume on OCD.

Where’s my evidence that OCD is lying to me? What’s the worst that could happen if OCD were actually telling the truth?

A synopsis of OCD minus any form of medication.

Circa a few months ago, 3 or 4 maybe, I stopped taking my medication. I don’t recommend the way I did it by just abruptly stopping but I believed in my gut feeling that it was time to detox and live my natural course of life. Where medications can be positively life altering I’ve always seemed to have adverse reactions to medicine.

The last medicine I was on was called Luvox and it made me terribly sleepy. I couldn’t go the course of a day with out taking a nap. The inconvenience of the lethargy that usually hit in the middle of the day and at other incredibly inconvenient times was enough to motivate me to stop taking medications. I knew I could handle things like a job and responsibilities but because of how tired I always was I wasn’t living up to my potential and the people close to me stopped believing in my abilities.

For someone as driven (and stubborn) as I am that is such a slap in the face. It was a combination of people not remembering all that I could do and one other thing. I finally took a step back and realized how long I have been living taking medicines. I’m 18! I’m young and otherwise healthy and I’m living from one pill to the next? I don’t want to be dependent on a prescription! I don’t want something that acts as a crutch for my bad emotions and anxiety.

Upon taking a step back I realized that I was ready to stop anesthetizing my life. I felt that my highs became mediums and my lows became just neutral. Where nothing was really bringing me down, this medicine wasn’t allowing me to really be brought up either. Not allowing me to be my best, not allowing other to know me and believe in me at my best….. That’s not me. This life is about the highs and lows and even the in betweens.

Though my mind feels less… “Foggy” lets say, being off the medication isn’t easy. I now experience very high highs and occasional lows (I’m not a very depressed person by nature.) When I’m angry I’m REALLLLLY angry. There’s at least once a day that something really sets my OCD off. It might be a comment or talk of planning something that stresses me out. It could be someone just standing in the way of my OCD rituals and routines. It could be the smallest of infractions that I know really shouldn’t ruffle me but it does my OCD and there for rials me up.

I know when I get this upset I am miserable to be around. Seriously! I don’t even want to be with myself, but one thing that really helps diffuse the anger is working out. Part of what medication does is chemically even out the lack of serotonin in my brain and with exercise and working out it naturally stimulates my brain to boost serotonin.

OCD isn’t me but it’s a big part of my life. Medication or not I’m going to have to get up the courage one day to face it again. To sum things up I am living with obsessive compulsive disorder Rx free! I’m doing it! Doing it one small experience at a time…. But doing it. I feel a sense of freedom knowing I’m no longer altered by an unnatural substance and this works for me right now.

Note: This is reflective of me and my personal experiences only. This is not a recommendation to stop or quit taking any form of medication without consulting a doctor. Me quitting cold turkey probably wasn’t the safest or best way of expediting my goal. (Do what I say, not what I do)

Conversing with the Enemy

“If you repeat a lie enough it becomes true.” I can practically feel the voice of OCD curling up in my ears purring this message into my mind. Timelessly OCD will speak this subliminal message directly planting it’s seeds of lies. I’m ashamed to say my brain has grown to believe it without me even knowing. Frightening. It’s not until I come across quotes like these and play them into my own interpretation and relevance that I realize it.

This quote is a conversation OCD has with me on replay. For every day, for every weak moment, for every compulsion. OCD doesn’t stick around when I’m strongest because it bullies me in my weakness.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is the biggest lie that our mind makes us live out to be true.